Anxiety

What does anxiety feel like for you?

For me, it’s mostly in my stomach, it feels like my muscles are tightly clenched. Thoughts race across my mind at lightning speed. I make a conscious effort to breathe in and out deeply. I would assume that my stomach muscles tighten as a result of the content of my thoughts but I am not always so sure. Anxiety has been such a big part of my existence for so very long that it is difficult to unravel for me. I don’t know where it begins and ends!

What I notice the most, however, is the absence of anxiety. The beautiful moments when there is no anxiety, when I am calm and happy and not agitated or worried about anything.

I always spoil the beautiful moment by thinking about the anxiety and anticipating its return.

Anxiety left me for a short spell; a precious few days when my mind wasn’t preoccupied by thoughts of the abuse or impending doom. I just relaxed into myself and felt really good. I was able to keep things in perspective and just live in the now! It’s like I forgot almost!

Today it is back. My old friend. Muscles clenched, worry, nervousness, restlessness the works. I try to relax into it but it’s hard.

Just existing is hard hard work for survivors of abuse. It’s a roller-coaster ride full of different moods and emotions that change suddenly.

How beautiful it must be to be anxiety-free for long periods of time! How different life would be!

I know this will pass, feelings don’t last forever, they are temporary, they come and go, the key is to let them be!

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One thought on “Anxiety

  1. Breathing is good. When feeling anxious my breathing becomes shallow heightening the anxiety, not lessoning it. So it takes conscious effort to slow the breathing and deepen it. And it works on the body. When in a situation that’s scary or tense, or for you it sounds like generalized anxiety (all the time), take your pulse. Don’t use the thumb. Count how many breaths in a minute.
    Then consciously breath slowly and deeply for a few minutes. Take it again. I’ve done this in the bathtub where I can hear my heart beating. And I can hear it slow down. Your heart will slow down and the pulse ought to reflect that in a lower number.
    It’s not healthy to be in a state of constant anxiety. I hope you can find ways to give your body a break from it. Baths, conscious effort on deeper breathing, a nap…something you find relaxing…

    Liked by 1 person

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