What does anxiety feel like for you?
For me, it’s mostly in my stomach, it feels like my muscles are tightly clenched. Thoughts race across my mind at lightning speed. I make a conscious effort to breathe in and out deeply. I would assume that my stomach muscles tighten as a result of the content of my thoughts but I am not always so sure. Anxiety has been such a big part of my existence for so very long that it is difficult to unravel for me. I don’t know where it begins and ends!
What I notice the most, however, is the absence of anxiety. The beautiful moments when there is no anxiety, when I am calm and happy and not agitated or worried about anything.
I always spoil the beautiful moment by thinking about the anxiety and anticipating its return.
Anxiety left me for a short spell; a precious few days when my mind wasn’t preoccupied by thoughts of the abuse or impending doom. I just relaxed into myself and felt really good. I was able to keep things in perspective and just live in the now! It’s like I forgot almost!
Today it is back. My old friend. Muscles clenched, worry, nervousness, restlessness the works. I try to relax into it but it’s hard.
Just existing is hard hard work for survivors of abuse. It’s a roller-coaster ride full of different moods and emotions that change suddenly.
How beautiful it must be to be anxiety-free for long periods of time! How different life would be!
I know this will pass, feelings don’t last forever, they are temporary, they come and go, the key is to let them be!