Yes there were many things I had absolutely no control of.
I had no control over the abuse I suffered as a five year old girl. I wasn’t responsible for any part of it. It was my father who couldn’t control his sick urges. I found an abusive man because I hadn’t dealt with the abuse in any way and re-enacted the abuse scenario. I went for what felt most familiar to me; a combination of love and hurt!
But that is in the past and I am looking at things that are in my control and focusing on them now.
For a start, I can control my reaction to events, people and situations. I have realised that I have this false belief that bad things are always happening to ME! Why ME I cry? I struggle, battle and rage against life believing that the universe conspires against me constantly to bring me down and make me feel bad. But I have stepped back from that thought recently and realised that bad things are happening all the time…. to everyone. Nobody is immune to it! People are getting sick, dying, losing their jobs, getting divorced.
I can either continue to rage and do battle everytime something that I perceive is negative floats my way or….. I can choose to just live and let life show me what it needs to. I am not advocating being a passive victim but I am saying I can choose to be positive and take control over my emotions and actions.
I can control how I react to negativity, to sickness, to unkindness, I have a choice to be stuck in a cycle of misery-making or create my own way. The challenges won’t stop but I will try to stop believing that the world is against me. Life is happening to me and through me. I relax in the chaos of what is life!