Feeling edgy!

edgy

My lawyer contacted me last week to inform me that he would be sending the draft petition to my husband this week. I feel edgy and nervous. What’s going to happen next? How will he react? This will be the first official document that he receives informing him that I want a divorce.

I have tried to talk to him many times but he usually gets upset and says,

“Oh don’t bring that up again!”

“Just when things are going good you have to spoil them again!”

The divorce and the three instances of physical abuse have become taboo subjects. We are not allowed to mention them because they upset him so much. I almost feel bad every time I bring it up! He has succeeded again in silencing me by playing the victim of a cruel woman who wants a divorce. It’s always about him.

I am waiting to see how he will react! Will he ignore it or will he stop communicating with me and calling his son. Yes, will he punish his son out of hatred for me? So far in our long distance text messages he pretends that everything is fine. I oblige him with information about his son’s daily activities when needed but I have been aware that I need to distance myself more and more!

Should I warn him that he will be receiving it or just leave him to get it in the post this week???

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15 thoughts on “Feeling edgy!

    • Thank you! He does know it’s coming because I have talking about it for a year now. It’s unbelievable that he can pretend it’s not going to happen. It’s a huge blessing that he is in another country! Thank you for your words of encouragement. I will stay strong. We are warriors and that’s all we can be!

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Not sure it whether it matters if you do or not, or if anything you do can temper his reactions. I understand the fear of the possibility of his vindictive reaction being one of pulling back from your son to hurt you.

    Considering his past behavior, that’s a real possibility, but not one you have any control over. What you do have control of is your son’s world. You can continue to make his little world happy no matter what your husband does. If his Daddy pulls back, your son may not even notice since he lives far away anyway.

    But if this fear comes true and he uses this sad and hurtful method to take revenge, you just fill in the blanks with a son so young. If he asks about Daddy, you say, Daddy loves you so much, and is just busy right now.

    He’ll be ok. Kids are resilient and he has such a great mother!

    Liked by 4 people

    • Thank you sweet Patricia! You are right, I have no control over his reactions I can only make sure that my son and I are safe and focus on us!

      I think that my son will be fine as long as I am around to give him the love that he needs.

      I tell him everyday that his father loves him!

      Sending you lots of hugs for all the support you give me!

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I completely agree with the above – there’s not much you can do; you’ll never be able to predict how he’ll react. I think I’d just let him receive it in the mail, especially since you’ve already tried to bring it up before. stay strong, supermama!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. No, I don’t think you have to notify him. You’ve tried to talk to him and he hasn’t listened. If you talk to him he will only bring his anger out on you. Just keep vigilant, he might want to retaliate in some way because he is mad. You don’t need to worry yourself about how he is feeling. His wants and wishes are not yours to worry about anymore. So who cares what he thinks or how he acts. Just be safe and know that you are a strong woman who is setting out her boundaries. Maybe in the future, after all this subsides you and him can have a good friendship for your sons sake. It is not up to you though, it is up to him. So be happy, your freedom is dawning. Meghan

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Meghan. Your words “my freedom is dawning” bring tears to my eyes! I am doing something I wanted to for so long and I am going through it without second guessing myself. I am choosing to protect myself and walk away from what is hurting me for the first time. I have no control over his behaviour and nor should I worry about his reactions. He is an adult and has to take responsibility for his actions for the first time. Bless you for all your support!! I will keep strong.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Please, do NOT warn him. It is a cardinal rule when leaving an abusive person especially who has already committed acts of physical abuse to tell him ahead of time. It is for your safety both physically and psychologically. Once served he may try to regain control by intimating you physically or wage an emotional psychological assault. Your comment shows the thought process so many of us have had, that we can control his behavior. We can’t. I hope you shift your mindset from worrying about how to act for him to how to act and speak for yourself. Good luck to you. Know this he will be okay, they can take care of themselves, that choice is his.

    Liked by 1 person

    • He is living in another country and has known about my intention to divorce him for a year now although he pretends that it is not happening! Physically I think my son and I are safe from him but as you say emotionally and psychologically he could still harm me as I am in touch with him via skype and text because he communicates with his son often.
      Yes, I cannot control him or change him and I have to stop worrying what he will or will not do and shift the focus on myself and my son and what we are going to do. I hadn’t realised that it still so much a part of my mindset still i.e that I am concerned about his actions and reactions so much. I guess it does take time to make these shifts in mindset and I thank you for pointing this out! I guess I am so used to living my life so as not to upset him, treading on eggshells that a part of me still worries about what he will do, But yes whatever he does is his choice and responsibility. I am acting for the safety and wellbeing of my son and I by taking us out of this situation.

      Liked by 1 person

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  6. Wow! You are very strong! Good luck as you free your self from your abuser! You are doing the right thing for your boy! He will be better off to have a mother that is not being abused, and is taking care of yourself. That is the best gift you could ever give him!

    Liked by 1 person

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