Twisted man!

You are a fucking sick, twisted man! I feel sick when I think of you! I want to throw up in your face but that is hardly punishment for all the damage you caused.

How could you have sexual urges towards your own flesh and blood?  How could you act on those urges? You used me for your sexual pleasure, groomed me and I thought it was love and affection. You taught me that love and pain are inseparable.

Don’t you dare talk to me about God, or lecture me because you are the worst kind of hypocrite. I am so tired of feeling sorry for you! What about me? Did you feel sorry for me when you hurt me and used me? You pretend it didn’t happen. What would happen if the family knew what a despicable depraved man you are. Then your big mouth act would be up!

You hid your sickness behind the loving fatherly act and thought you could get away with it because you knew that I would protect you. What lies and threats did you use? What you did was so painful, I can’t even remember the when, the how and the where. You used my innocence and goodness against me! I hate you!

You told me my legs looked liked ‘upside down bottles’. You told me my creative writing was no good! You weren’t happy with the man I chose to marry and the career I chose because you thought I could do better. But you set me up to fail, to hide, to be less than myself. You handicapped me emotionally and I don’t know who to trust in this world. I confuse good and bad all the time.

Thank you for the raw, aching hole of emptiness that you gave me. Thank you for the jealousy, insecurity, hyper-sensitivity, triggers, the profound sense of disconnection from others, the attraction to abusive controlling men, the shame and guilt, the isolation, nausea, inability to be intimate with a man without disassociating, lack of confidence and feeling of smallness that you have given to me.

I don’t want to ever see you or speak to you again.

Don’t you fucking dare send me another text!!!!!!! I am done feeling sorry for you, I am done loving people who hurt me!!!!!

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7 thoughts on “Twisted man!

  1. I like the word fuck. Sometimes not even that word described my rage. I’d have to combine it with all the nastiest words I knew, strewing long sailor mouth sentences together to really spew it out.
    You’re in touch with a response more in tune with your own feelings, not theirs. The depths of rage equal the pain behind it.
    I wish you didn’t have to go through this. Sometimes the only way out is through it. I’m here…

    Liked by 1 person

    • I agree with you. I also think there isn’t a word that could describe the depth and breadth my rage but ‘fuck’ comes close for now! Yes I am making my way through all the layers of hurt and damage. Thank you, I love that ‘Sometimes the only way out is through it”.
      Bless you for being here!

      Liked by 1 person

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