Deflecting negativity!

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Dealing with negativity

As a highly sensitive person, I absorb feelings easily and pay close attention to facial expressions, tone and words when I am interacting with others. Even more so when I am feeling less confident.

Although I have never been able to deflect the negativity of others very well, I am now consciously trying to make a change. As I continue counselling to discover all the different parts of myself i.e the wounded inner child, harsh inner critic etc, I am trying to understand how all the different pieces work together and find ways to create new ways of behaving.

In short I want to stop merely surviving and start thriving.

I have come a long way but one thing that needs addressing is my tendency to be so deeply affected by the bad moods and criticism of others. I don’t want to take those words so deeply inside allowing them to alter my mood and bring me down.

I am learning that it is a choice. I can choose how much power I give to the words of others. With continued self-care I can remind myself not to take everything so personally and realise that their negativity is a result of their own self-reflection and not an indication of how good or bad I am at any moment.

I can stop giving them the control over my emotions by choosing not to respond negatively. Instead I can step back and have some distance from their cruel stares and words. Their opinions are theirs and I have no control over them and I don’t want to continue allowing them to affect me so deeply and take on their negativity. It is very hard not to be affected in the very moment though!

How do you deal with this if you are a sensitive person?

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11 thoughts on “Deflecting negativity!

  1. That is a very good question. I’ve been thinking about this ever since your ‘growing an internal mother’ posts. I worked so hard in therapy and elsewhere, trying to grow, change, and a great amount on being less affected by others. But without some inner connection to myself, and self-regard, I didn’t get very far.

    Another handicap: As long as Mom lived, I was stunted. It seems my most growth came after she died. I stopped looking for the mothering from her that I needed, the ‘love’ and acceptance I so desperately needed but never found from her, or a moment of it at her death bed.

    My growth and blossoming came afterwards and that was only 6 years ago.

    Writing the book was huge, telling my truth, and no longer shielding or protecting her. She loved all her sons. Grieving her loss; which meant never finding that Mother’s love I so desperately needed, freed me to finally cultivate my own mothering ability and to feel true worth and self regard from within instead of endlessly chasing after it.

    It was chasing after what would never come that blocked me from my true self and self love. Now I fan the ember a bit at a time. And your posts, thank you for your posts which open many paths within my own self to a place of light, acceptance and love.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for sharing your own personal journey to finding self-worth from within. I think that you have pointed out the key to it all; finding self-worth from within rather than getting validation from the outside. I have been chasing that all along and have to re-route myself inward finally.

      Yes, grieving the loss of a mother and finally letting go of that hope of being mothered would have definitely pushed you forward. I have distanced myself from my mother for the first time but still feel that I cannot let go completely. It’s her birthday tomorrow and I feel obliged to say happy birthday. I don’y know what it is, guilt (for what? I didn’t do anything wrong!) or is it my tendency to feel responsible for others feelings so I don’y want her to feel bad. I am not quite sure.

      Your journey inspires me and gives me hope that I too can blossom as you have.

      thank you

      Like

  2. I am a very highly sensitive person. There is a book out titled. “Highly Sensitive People”. It is a good read. I get deeply affected by the emotions and energy of other people so much so that it is painful to be out of my home. I do invite a lot of people to my home but have developed a philosophy for living that I share now with people that enter my home. Things I will and will not accept in my home. Telling them that I am effected by negativity and critical, judgmental people. I ask them to leave that outside my home. When I do go out I choose to be in very small groups and give myself enough space. I also place an imaginary bubble around myself protecting me from all the energy and emotions of others. When they do get in I let it flow through my body and out into the universe which is much more capable of handling the energy.

    I have built a quiet, contemplative life for myself. I have found my new meaning and purpose in my life. I feel the bliss and pain of life. It is all good.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks for recommending that title I will try to read it.

      I can relate to what you say about absorbing the energies of others.

      I too, cannot socialise in very big groups, I have never known why I find it so discomforting. I prefer to be with one friend for coffee or dinner etc. I always thought it was a confidence issue but maybe there is something else related to being sensitive.

      I would like to use your idea about imagining the bubble around myself to protect myself from the negativity of others. Thank you I will try it.

      I admire and take inspiration from you and how you have found a comfortable place for yourself in this world.

      Like

  3. I think you are definitely on the mark! The negativity of others is not a reflection of you but of them and where they are emotionally.

    The more that I read your writings, the more I feel that many people can learn and positively benefit from them. Keep up the excellent work and progress!!

    Joe

    Liked by 1 person

      • Well, like yours, my life is evolving. I regret that I haven’t been on here as much as I would like of late. Life has been happening as the saying goes. Currently I am looking for a part time job as paying child support is proving financially painful. It is what it is, and I know that I will not have to do this forever. Great to hear from you too Tellingheavysecrets!

        Liked by 1 person

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