I have learned so many things on this journey back to ME!

I have learnt that I don’t give myself enough credit ever, that being unmothered as a child has affected me as profoundly as being sexually abused by my father, that I have brilliant resilience and courage and that people do value my words and company. All of the above have been very important life-changing realisations for me,

However, the all time BIGGIE for me is that I have a lot more control over myself than I previously imagined. I know on a very deep level of knowingness that we as human beings, do indeed have control over our feelings, thoughts and actions. This might seem a simple and obvious truth to many but to a survivor and thriver of childhood trauma, one can go through life with automatic reactions, thoughts, impulses and behaviours that have been learnt through past conditioning.

Since I have started challenging all these assumed truths, I have seen how there is a small space between something happening and your response in which you can pause and CHOOSE! Undoubtedly it takes hard practise and consistency but it is POSSIBLE.

We can choose to respond to a situation or person rather than react automatically with conscious awareness and effort.

I dare you to try it. The next time you are triggered by disapproval, rejection, criticism or any other negative energy, pause and consciously choose your response. Choose to take control and not feel bad or sad or small or alone. Or if you can’t help it, allow yourself to feel the smallness and let it flow through you and be released. Choose to change your self-talk and this will impact on your mood immediately! Tell yourself that you are ok and that you have done nothing wrong and that you are enough as you are!

It is empowering and will show you that you are no longer the powerless, helpless child suffering the abuse. Your new and present reality is not hopeless; in fact you are in control and the fact that you are on this immense journey is testament to your health rather than dysfunction. It is YOU facilitating your own healing. You need to acknowledge that.

There are better times ahead. We have survived and now we are choosing to take control and THRIVE.


3 thoughts on “Control

  1. Self-talk each day includes a lot of, “You’re OK, It’s OK.” I too easily forget to do so. Often I do it over and over, as much as needed and I’m soothed finally. Too many intrusive voices get in the way otherwise. Like, “you’re not doing enough,” “you’re this, that or the other”, all negative.
    I’m enough, and I’m OK. I think these are things I’ll continue to need to tell myself daily after years of the mean spirited voices piercing me daily, all coming from within. I took the messages from my ‘family’ and made them mine. From now till my last breath, I will work at it. I want to hear my own voice, that little whisper underneath theirs that’s full of love, acceptance and gentleness.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for your beautiful comment, you articulate it so well. I admire your life-long commitment to soothing yourself with reassuring self-talk to undo all the negative messages inside. I am realising now how deep these messages go and how they hurt us. I even hurt myself by seeing the imagined disapproval and judgement in others eyes! Take care my friend and thanks for being someone who really gets what I am saying on a level of knowing that is uncanny.

      Liked by 1 person

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