How I am learning to love myself

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Learning to love myself after the abuse is my biggest challenge.

The belief deep deep down within myself that I am worthy of love is integral to my healing and growth.

Without this belief, I will never be able to accept and express the real ME! Without this knowing, I will keep attracting the same kind of people into my life and I am not talking about romantic love only; this goes for friendships and all social interactions.

I loved myself enough to leave an abusive marriage and I love myself enough to want to heal and grow and move on from my past. I paint myself in my mind’s eye into beautiful places where I speak my truth and emanate confidence and self-acceptance.

I don’t need to grasp and cling hungrily onto the scraps that are thrown my way, believing that there will be no other love in my path. Giving away my heart indiscriminately to strangers and others who don’t deserve me.  I restrain that hungry ache with the deep knowledge that there is an abundance of love out there and that I am worthy and deserving of a love that does not hurt or disrespect.

I don’t need someone to love me to know that I am loveable. I am complete, I have no deficiencies and I don’t need fixing. I look within for hope. I focus on myself and I know that I have all the courage, bravery and strength I need to heal from the past and move on.

I leave you with this empowering song.

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15 thoughts on “How I am learning to love myself

  1. “hungry ache”. That hungry ache is me not loving me. That might top my list of damage done. That I grew in the formative years learning I didn’t matter, I wasn’t worthy of love, not from my brothers, not from anybody. That’s what became so embedded as a part of my personality and a belief about myself. I continue the work to like, love and accept me every single day.
    I can easily feel I fail at that too, like it’s my job to fix what’s broken. And I can only do so much. Even with the best glue there’s no fixing. I learn to accept brokenness, that’s I’m ok and love me as I am. Like my mosaics. I don’t throw away the broken pieces. I make something new and beautiful, caressing the sharp edges as they fit together, feeling the new smoothness even if it is bumpy…
    Thank you for the affirmations. That ‘hungry ache’ is definitely coming from me still rejecting me. Others love me despite my inability to accept their love, or am able to sometimes feel their love for a precious moment or two. I think that over the years when I do receive affection, warm, or any positives I so crave, I unconsciously tested or tried to control their others feelings by behaving in ways to make them change how they feel about me; because the wounded parts in me believed I did not really deserve good things.
    You open up such good territory to investigate and be aware of.

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    • I also love the power in this piece depicting you, your growth and awareness. A woman friend from years ago said something that stuck with me, “Don’t give your pearls to swine.”
      Now that’s a rather brash statement to describe another human being yet fitting in some instances. And I may not have the quote exactly right, and believe it’s from the Bible. My interpretation may also be way off from what it’s meant to say, but my interpretation matches your words above. and when I read them I wanted to stand up and cheer!

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    • Thank you as always for the clarity of your insights which deepen my own understanding.

      I think its so important to identify what that ‘hungry ache’ represents for each of us. You have also highlighted the ambivalence between wanting and needing closeness and then unconsciously rejecting. In some ways I do this too; although I want to be close, when I have that closeness I become afraid and feel suffocated or want to run away sometimes and push people away unwittingly.

      Yes the ‘wounded parts’ of us are less than ourselves. My wounded parts make me feel small, ugly and when I make decisions from that place, they are inevitably the decisions that lead me to lose a sense of myself.

      I work with that hungry ache everyday, she wants love at any price and looks in all the wrong places. She is so desperate and has the notion that a knight in shining armour will come and rescue me from all the hurt and make everything ok. Of course that will never happen and somehow as I heal and grow I hope that I can learn to give myself the love, regard and hope that I look outward for.

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      • It will come, all things in due time. In the meantime, you are laying the groundwork. By the time the ‘shining knight’ shows up your solidness will meet him on an even playing field. He will have to prove his worth because the ‘princess’ will take no less than the best.. That’s the thing, you won’t have to do all the giving. You’ll be able to receive comfort too and will have chosen one who is truly able to offer comfort.

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  2. 0ooh! I needed that song today! Thank you! I had asked for hope in the midst of the worst financial situation I’ve ever faced and I have six horses to feed! The horses and I are just on the brink of moving forward into a long held vision, equine-directed personal/spiritual growth sessions as a full time source of income with a recent shift in focus to healing the effects of childhood abuse. They have done that for me! Wouldn’t you know that all hell has broken loose when we are so close to stepping forward, even with providing place for clients to stay. Soooo close! With one more financial slam yesterday, I had moved into victim mode feeling it was just too much…until the song! I love the magical taming of the “monsters.” Doing something creative with each one. How empowering! I’ll use some of the blackberries in my refrigerator for fingernail polish on the elephants in my radar! (; Though the circumstances haven’t yet changed, my attitude has!

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    • Glad that you were able to take inspiration from the song! The spiritual growth sessions sound amazing! It’s all about our thoughts and the way we frame our circumstances. May you surpass all your challenges and bring healing to others as you have found it! Thank you!

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