What happened in London- Part 1

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Hello everyone. It’s so good to be back and writing again. I have missed being part of the WordPress  community and realised during the last three weeks how much it means to me. So much has happened since I left for London over three weeks ago and so I have decided to do a write up in instalments which will give me adequate time to reflect on the most cogent points.

First and foremost, I received the decree absolut while I was in London…. which means that I am officially divorced. I am proud of myself for going through with it to its absolute end. There were so many doubts and I did lots of second-guessing (still do now sometimes in my weaker moments) but I know I have done the right thing.

My trip had its highs and lows and I will tell you all about them. It was stressful and even overwhelming at times. I arrived back here after the changeable weather of a typical English summer feeling somewhat drained and lethargic. But I am feeling a bit better today. I realise how harsh I am to myself; so much so that even when it’s time to congratulate myself, I sift around for the smallest mistakes to berate myself with. No doubt this is a remnant of the childhood sexual abuse. It is I am sure a reality for so many survivors of childhood sexual abuse. We are so hard on ourselves even when we deserve a pat on the back.

Before I left, in my final counselling session, my counsellor asked me what success would equal in terms of this trip and I replied that success would mean that I don’t sleep with my ex-husband and maintain strong boundaries. The last time I saw him, I slept with him against my better judgement and felt awful afterwards.

So in fact the trip was a success. I didn’t sleep with him and I I made it clear to him that things had changed between us and he couldn’t spend the night, book a hotel or hold me like he used to all of which he would have happily done even though he claimed that he was better off without me.

I should be proud of myself then for maintaining this physical boundary where before I would have felt a subconscious pull towards him and went along with it. I was the reasonable adult this time and I made it clear that these things would not be appropriate.

But still there is this niggling little voice berating me for not being even firmer. I will tell you more about that next time. For now, here are some pictures of the highs of my London trip.

I do love London and I had forgotten how vibrant it is! So different to the place where I am living now. It has so much to offer culturally and socially. My son and I enjoyer theatre outings, museums, the wonderful parks, a Chelsea football match and a cupcake and macaroon tour.

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Next time I will tell you all about the dad and why I still don’t know whether to move to London or not.

Thanks for reading!

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4 thoughts on “What happened in London- Part 1

  1. Great job being clear about your boundaries. I had some of the same issues in the first year or so of leaving my first husband. It was just so easy (and momentarily comforting) to fall back into old patterns, even though I would feel horrible afterwards. Congratulations – and I’m glad you had fun in London!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I was born in london, it does always feel like home, luckily my oldest lives their now, so i get to revisit it and get that fix. I think I should read “The Curious incident of the dog in the nightime “again too it was a great read. BOUNDARIEs oh my goodness the bain of of my life for sure. Congratulations!! if somewhat late 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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