The last few days have been good. I feel more fully present in the place that I am and things at work have settled. On Monday and Tuesday all our staff attended professional development sessions in another city and I noticed how much more confident I feel around the other staff members from different campuses.
It used to be that I would want to hide at these events and I felt uncomfortable the whole time, imagining people were looking at me and judging me. But in this last one, for the first time, I felt that I was part of the group, a teacher like all of them. In fact a very experienced teacher with nothing to be shy or ashamed of!
I have been with the company for five years and I am a good teacher so why did I feel that I was less before? Well it’s because I was carrying around a heavy secret that coloured everything. Telling that secret has liberated me. I felt free and it didn’t matter to me who liked me or didn’t and I didn’t even think about what other people were thinking about me.
I was just being me! I spoke when I needed to and didn’t feel the need to fill gaps in conversations or raise my hands to answer questions. I am ok as I am no less than you, or you or you!