What if I am healing? What if the whole universe is working for me. What if all the parts of me are moving towards wholeness and integration as you read this. What if I stop trying to control everything and what if I stop resisting and just be me. What if I stop trying so…
My childhood trained me to stay very still and be quiet. To hide and be good. To suppress my feelings and put others first. To feel wrong and bad. It’s not surprising that I have great difficulty being assertive and using my voice now as an adult. My primary caregivers made me feel powerless and…
This morning I made a choice not to indulge my feelings of sadness. I woke up with that familiar hurt deep inside. The origin of the hurt is from long ago, all those feelings from the past that were stuffed down without a space to keep them. They were too big and scary and life…
I find it difficult to speak to friends who have not experienced childhood sexual abuse about what happened to me and how it has affected me. It’s not the same as talking to my counselor or to women who read my blog and have experienced the same. When I am feeling low or sad or…
When we have been abused as children we learn to detach from ourselves; our feelings and our bodies. The healing process involves the long journey back to ourselves. We have to reclaim who we are, and work incredibly hard to find all the pieces, gather them together and see where they fit. Like a gigantic…
It’s my birthday and I am 40 today. Wow! When I was younger, 40 seemed so old. Now that I am 40, I don’t feel old at all. My new authentic life has began. No more heavy secrets and pleasing toxic people. It’s a new and exciting adventure ahead. I feel quite emotional today, I…
Isn’t it strange that one can feel more loved with so much less? I have lost my parents because I am not in contact with them at all since both my mother and father denied that I was ever sexually abused. They had a family meeting a few months ago to discuss my ‘madness’. I…
I stumbled upon this great quotation today and I was compelled to share it with you. Like me, I am sure you have moments when all you want to do is run like hell from the emotions. Some emotions feel unbearable and overwhelming to say the least. Here is a man saying that we should…
What does it mean to be traumatically bonded to someone and how does it affect someone? I know this is a subject that has been well researched and documented, but I am trying to understand it for myself in the context of my relationship with my ex-husband. Although we are divorced, I feel a tug…
‘I’m a fake’ This is what I feel and think when people praise me I cringe inwardly because I imagine that the person who is praising me will find out how terrible I really am How they have made a huge mistake I feel uncomfortable when people praise me I visualise a future me who…
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