The girl that I was

childhood

The girl that I was had so much to say. My school reports had “talkative” and “disrupts other children in class” written on them. I had keen listening skills too and was nicknamed “Big Ears” for listening in on adult conversations. I wanted to know about everything, I was curious and eager to drink everything up. I was loud and boisterous and my best friend was a boy named Manuel. Together we terrorised the playground and pretended we were seniors and gave orders to the younger children. I talked non-stop and made up stories to entertain gullible aunts.

And then things changed and I transformed into a very quiet, too-nice little girl who smiled when I needed to scream. I started to cover my mouth in shame and hate myself. I became self-conscious and highly sensitive. I tore photographs into tiny pieces and hid the pieces away. I retreated into a fantasy world and stopped being inquisitive about the world around me. I didn’t want to see things as they were so I made it up instead. I hid from people and myself.

Now I am learning that I can make noise again and I can come out of hiding. It’s ok for me to be seen again. I am safe now. I can fly free and I am in control. It’s over.

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2 thoughts on “The girl that I was

  1. I’ve always been that little girl who said very little and stayed small and quiet. I was voted most likely to become an author in the 5th grade but of course that was only because I wrote instead of talked. I was like you and had my own fantasy world in which I existed as a normal young girl who felt protected, cared for and loved šŸ’œ I’m glad that you are are feeling stronger and louder and powerful. I guess we are all getting our wings a bit later in life and flying free from our past.

    Liked by 1 person

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