The girl that I was had so much to say. My school reports had “talkative” and “disrupts other children in class” written on them. I had keen listening skills too and was nicknamed “Big Ears” for listening in on adult conversations. I wanted to know about everything, I was curious and eager to drink everything up. I was loud and boisterous and my best friend was a boy named Manuel. Together we terrorised the playground and pretended we were seniors and gave orders to the younger children. I talked non-stop and made up stories to entertain gullible aunts.
And then things changed and I transformed into a very quiet, too-nice little girl who smiled when I needed to scream. I started to cover my mouth in shame and hate myself. I became self-conscious and highly sensitive. I tore photographs into tiny pieces and hid the pieces away. I retreated into a fantasy world and stopped being inquisitive about the world around me. I didn’t want to see things as they were so I made it up instead. I hid from people and myself.
Now I am learning that I can make noise again and I can come out of hiding. It’s ok for me to be seen again. I am safe now. I can fly free and I am in control. It’s over.