A wounded feeling

Do you ever have the feeling that you can’t breathe enough air?

That your insides are so contracted and the air flow is constricted.

That if you don’t concentrate hard enough on your inward breaths, you might die.

I feel like that today. The tears come easy today. Physically I don’t feel well too, I have a headache, my back hurts  and I feel very nauseous, tired and wounded deep inside.

cure for pain

Is it a new deeper level of pain that I have touched or am I going back to hurt places I have felt before.

It’s hard to make sense of the big feelings today and the soothing self-talk is not working as well as it usually does.

I don’t feel like doing anything other than crawling into bed and pulling the covers over my head.

I will just sit with it for as long as it wants to stay and I have my counselling session later this afternoon so I can talk about it then. Right now I have classes to teach, colleagues to sit with and my son to look after.

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20 thoughts on “A wounded feeling

  1. I just want to tell you that you’re not alone. For me when I feel similar to the way that you’re describing, it’s my reactions and responses to my feelings that make it so much worse. I am afraid of my feelings. Afraid that they will consume me and that I’ll fall into that dark hole and never get up. It’s a familiar place, the darkness and being small and scared. But you will get up and you have many times already. I’ve witnessed it here many times. You have too. I know this isn’t new to you, but I’ll say it anyway — think of Pema Chodron and just notice your feelings. You aren’t your feelings, they don’t own you and theyre moving and flowing. They won’t stay forever. I’m holding them with you so you don’t have to feel like you’re holding them alone. I also want to remind you that I think you’re quite the badass and we both know you’ve endured much darker places than today when you were younger and also as a grown woman. After this wave of pain and feelings you will resurface with more light in your flame. I hear you and I see you. You’re not alone! Much love to you.

    Liked by 2 people

    • This is the most beautiful and loving message that I have ever received from anyone. I appreciate it more than words can articulate and I so feel like I am supported and loved.Your message really lifted me up. It’s so easy to forget the things you know when in the midst of big feelings. The need to hide and disconnect is so strong but I am glad that I reached out and talked about my feelings.I think it is also a sign telling me that i need to slow down. I have been in overdrive mode lately, doing courses and filling my time and pushing myself at the gym. I need to step back and just be and feel.Thank you for all the reminders that i so needed today. sending you much much love!!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I so get that! The tightness in my chest and the pain in my ribs and around my throat. It is suffocating and like you can’t take a full, deep breath. Fear is so powerful. I remember feeling that way as a child, choking on my own voice and holding back tears — wanting to tell my father what was happening but not knowing if I could or if it was even real. How DO children talk about these issues? Heck, grownups can barely do it. And that feeling of not being able to breathe comes up as an adult when I’m afraid too.

    We help each other. Thanks for being brave and posting the hard stuff. It’s an important part of the work for sure and I’m grateful and often surprised by how our healing and recovery mirrors each other’s. Take care today. XO

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hugs and yes…. I know what you are feeling. The can’t breathe enough air feeling is so so horrible. I too am afraid of emotional pain. I will do anything to not feel it. Anything. Just know that through the pain you are getting stronger. At least– that’s what everyone is tell me.

    Liked by 1 person

      • Yah……..I was feeling very a huge weight this morning too. I just did some writing which I am going to post soon and that helped. I’m so glad you moved through it, too. I really value what you share, it makes me feel less alone with those kind of feelings, which I know do pass.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Glad that your weight lifted too. At the time, it feels like it will never pass but as you say it does. And I have discovered the power of connecting in those dark moments whereas before I would sit alone and small with the big feelings. when i reach out, share and acknowledge that I am having a bad moment, I am being more authentic and real.

        Liked by 1 person

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