Yesterday was a strange day.
It was up there with the strangest of them.
It was the first day of my period and my mood quickly descended into a state of paranoia. In this state of mind, I decided that people I hadn’t spoke to in ages were upset with me. Why were they upset with me? Maybe because I thought they frowned at me or they didn’t smile at me. I believed that I was responsible for everyone’s moods. It was my fault if people looked sad or unhappy or were having a bad day. My mind went over and over the possibilities and the reasons I was to blame. These thoughts led me to feel worse and worse and I became quieter. I shrank both mentally and emotionally.
The whole world hated me yesterday and I had supposedly hurt so many people.
I know that I didn’t hurt anyone and that I was not in anyway responsible for everyone’s moods but it was a powerful state of mind that made me see reality in such a different way.
It makes me question how often I see reality in a distorted way due to being triggered and taken back to past feelings. This time, maybe the trigger was the painful cramps and the hormones that accompany menstruation. I don’t know the whys and hows fully, but I do know how strong that feeling was, and how it changed my perception of others and myself.
Today I am seeing the same people at work and the paranoia is gone. I am an individual, not responsible for others and I haven’t done anything wrong. I acknowledge and believe that I am so polite and kind that it is highly unlikely I could have upset anyone.
Incredible how powerful cognitive distortions can be!
Don’t believe everything you think!