Isn’t it funny that when you’re happy or in a good, positive mood, people will always attribute it to something external. A friend asked me yesterday if I was extra smiley and happy because I had met someone. Hahaha! Is it only a new romantic interest, that can generate happiness and smiles?
I haven’t met and fallen in love with a new man, I am just learning ever so slowly to create my own unique moments of happiness. I do many little things throughout my day that make me happy; I dance and sing to my favourite songs every morning in the shower. I behave like a goof with my son to make him laugh. I write and write and write in my journal and here on my blog. I indulge my sweet tooth sometimes. I dress up and wear good underwear.
I have a long long way to go, no doubt, because I am triggered very often by many external things, but for the first time in my life I am taking responsibility for my own feelings. I am examining when and how I am triggered, how I distort reality sometimes and how my own thought patterns lead me to feel bad.
I am also looking after myself by going for counselling every week and getting to the root of all the issues that have plagued my life forever. Very importantly also, I have made a choice to move away from toxic relationships.
So all of the above are my very own ingredients for the moments of peace and happiness I enjoy. It’s not an ecstatic and constant high that I feel, but rather individual moments of happiness that emanate from within. These are moments that no one has given me but have been created and earned by me. I am proud of these moments as I have worked hard for them. I have travelled far within to find and reclaim myself. This gut-wrenching work has its fruits I guess!
I can only articulate this inner happiness by describing it as a heart smile. A smile from deep within that radiates outward. My friend sensed it when she asked me if I had met someone. I have met someone in a sense, and that someone is ME!
May you meet yourself and fall in love too and may it be the beginning of a life-long love affair.