After publishing my last post on this site I have been feeling very vulnerable. I posted a photograph of myself at the age of five; the time of the abuse.
I can’t seem to shake this feeling off. It’s brought up so much again and I am feeling really self-conscious and fragile. I am a little girl again, and I feel unloved and unwanted. I feel like people are deliberately being mean to me!
I am trying to look after myself, went for a swim this morning and it felt good to immerse myself in the warm water. I lay on my back and looked up at the skylight of the indoor pool and I felt ok for a while. But it was short-lived, because after a shower and now back at work. I am feeling awful again.
Have I said too much, shown too much, gone too far? What’s going to happen? The truth is nothing bad is going to happen. The little girl is safe, I am safe. It’s because I have really put myself out there, after over three decades of hiding from myself and others. And now my story is out there on the world wide web, with a face to go with it.
I am going to look after myself this weekend, book a massage maybe, take myself out shopping and just generally be gentle and kind to the brave warrior that I am. I try to imagine myself encircled by love as I walk around doing all the things I have to do.
Thank you all for your warmth and support, need it today!