Liar liar, your pants are on fire!

liar piar

Following yesterday’s post Internet dating, there have been some interesting developments that I am sure you will be happy to hear about. Thank you to all the dear people who commented that I should keep safe and protect myself.

You were right. He is indeed a scumbag!!!! I discovered that last night. I am feeling hurt today, it has triggered that raw ache deep inside of me, but I am at work and doing my thing as I always do.

This is another growth opportunity for me. If you didn’t read my post yesterday I will fill you in briefly. Basically I met this guy on a dating website from a different country and we had been chatting for nearly a week when I started getting an uncomfortable feeling. I was very conflicted about it and wrote a post about it yesterday called Internet Dating. I was so unsure of myself, being pulled to him and at the same time, something else pulling me away. I couldn’t make sense of the uneasiness I felt.

Well he didn’t text all of yesterday and then last night sent a text saying that he had something for me. The previous night I had sent him a youtube video of a song I love. He claimed to be a singer and guitarist in his free time, so we did talk about music and he sent me some of his music clips. He told me that he would redo the song I sent him just because I liked it and he liked me so much (hahahaha!).

So last night he sent a music file to me (the song he had redone for me) and I was blown away because it sounded so great! I praised him effusively for his musical capability. Wow, what a man I had found. I had struck gold it seems! He lapped up the praise like a proud cat lapping up warm milk from a bowl and told me how the male voice and lead guitarist was him and the female voice was his cousin’s wife. I then forwarded the clip to my friend excitedly. She phoned me back later and the first thing she said,

“I am so sorry love but he is an idiot, you’ve got to stop all contact with this freak!”

Naturally I was shocked, what was she talking about?? he redid my favourite song for me. Was she just being jealous because no man would do that for her. Then she sent me the youtube clip that he had lifted from the internet and passed off as his own. He had taken somebody else’s cover version of the song and sent it to me! I sent it back to him and told him to

F**** O** and never contact me again. He started saying that he had sent me the wrong clip and then he started to try and dig himself out of the very deep hole he had dug for himself. I proceeded to delete all traces of him from my phone and block his number. He emailed me after this saying he had made a mistake and that I was being petty and judging him. And you already know what I did with that…….

Yes I ignored it.

I need to trust my powerful instincts. I hate that I am so vulnerable. It’s not a good feeling.

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24 thoughts on “Liar liar, your pants are on fire!

  1. You have done the right thing, this guy is a sad sack living out his fantasies online. Sorry you had this experience, don’t let it put you off meeting new people.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Shit! Ok, well here is another true story to go with the overly optimistic one I provided to go with your previous post. Before I met my husband, when I was a divorced single mom, a guy I met when taking a course hit on me. It was totally out of the blue, not someone who had ever even seemed interesting to me (in part because he was about 20 years older than me). But I started to see him because 1) I was lonely and 2) I had lousy boundaries and no experience protecting myself. We spent some time together, and while he wasn’t the best fit for me, he made me feel attractive and desirable, something I really needed at the time. Then one evening after we’d spent the weekend together, he called to tell me his wife had found out about us. His wife?!?!? I couldn’t believe all the lies he had told me, and I should have hung up that moment. But I wasn’t yet as self aware as you are, and I stayed on the call and spent time comforting and reassuring him, taking care of him because he was upset his wife found out. Ugh.

    Anyway, we are all vulnerable, and in many ways, that’s healthy; it means our hearts are open to the possibility of love. We just have to balance it with caution. I never knew how to do that and really just lucked out that my husband was the quality of person he is, or that might have been another disaster. It’s very good that you rejected his excuses and cut off contact. That’s good self-care.

    There are very good people out there. You will find someone at some point. In the meantime, be sure to love yourself. xxxooo

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thank you so much for your support. It means so much to me. You have made me feel better on a day when I am feeling so vulnerable! Yes, we are all vulnerable not only adult survivors of sexual abuse and as you say, it’s a fine balancing act of head and heart. Hugs to you!!

      Liked by 2 people

  3. what an idiot. just rest assured the universe has something planned for you at the right time, One thing i have learnt even though i know i got into another relationship too early, was that who ever we meet and when, there are more lessons to learn, alongside their own baggage to take on too. you have so much to offer and I believe the universe is waiting for the right person and time for you,. trust in your instincts and maybe the old cliche of, ” if it seems too good to be true maybe it is.” so please try to have fun and like La Quemada says “love yourself too”, which i think you are doing so well, something i should’ve done and am still trying to do . but just remember once you get involved, a beautiful saying my partner use to tell me in the beginning of our relationship.. “slowly slowly catchy monkey”

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Oh dear, what a scumbag indeed! But think of it this way, you got yourself out of a bad situation real quick. You have good instinct and should keep on using it. I wish I had such good instincts as you! Anyway, as you wrote in your last post, you weren’t looking for anything serious. Besides, none of this reflects on you and your self worth. Being lied to is definitely not a pleasant thing! I hope you feel better after a while.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh yes, many of us have those ugly stories and experiences to share also. You need not feel foolish or stupid or anything of the sorts. I was best friends with a guy I’d met online, my husband met him and knew about all of our conversations and interactions etc I supported this guy like a close brother with his emotionally fragile life of drama. Without boring you with details too much, he met and married a woman not long after I’d met and married my husband. He lived in another state, I declined the invite to their wedding as I didn’t agree he was doing it for the right reasons at the time and he spoke of her quite negatively most of the time. He would often call me miserable and upset because she wasn’t providing for him emotionally blah blah and I’d support him through it and give him strategies and suggestions of how to work through it. He told me early in his relationship that his wife had issues with me and no amount of me questioning why, he never had answers so I didn’t bother too much about it. I just figured one day he’d wake up and leave her if he was SO miserable. He did like that she earned a lot more money than him though. Over eight years into their marriage and he decided he’d arrange a surprise interstate trip to see me and my husband. This was all worked out with my daughter for when we visited her and then he turned up ‘surprise’ alright, he had his new ‘girlfriend’ with him. I asked where his wife thought he was as she’d be pissed if he’s visiting me when she hates me so much, he reckons she knew where he was and couldn’t come with him due to work. By the end of that day I had learned from the girlfriend that this relationship had been going on for almost a year, I felt sick to the core. I gave him a week to go home and tell his wife what he was doing and that the marriage was over and if he chose not to then I would be contacting her as well as cutting all ties with him. Needless to say, I’m no longer friends with him and yep, I made that tough phone call to his now EX wife, believing that she hated me so would she even believe me. As it turns out, she had been told the same about me and thought I hated her and then the truth came out the more we shared information. He’d pretty much lied to me from the day we first spoke and I was only just finding this out some 10+ years later. I’ve learned a lot from that and she and I have become close friends, which he’s less than happy about…I wonder why!!! I’m still gobsmacked at some of the stories and lies that I totally missed. She felt even more stupid because she was living with him and he’d managed to convince her that she’d just become so paranoid, she was seeing stuff that wasn’t real…even down to finding hair that was not hers in the marital bed…eeeewwwwwww. I don’t want to make it all about men though, I know there are many women who do this lying crap too, but society is quick to judge the guys as being the deceitful ones and those guilty women hide and allow men to take the criticism. I do also wonder if this is something we attract to learn and reinforce our own ‘safe boundaries’ having been sexually abused in childhood. Perhaps it’s part of the deeper healing, who knows.

    I love that you so willingly shared of your own vulnerable experiences in the way you have. You can trust the idea that perhaps your light is brighter than you think or believe and will always protect and expose the darkness and lies. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for sharing your experience here. To be lied to for so long..10 years…is a very hard truth to bear and live with but you did so admirably and with grace. I think you maybe right…that we attract these kind of people/situations to ‘reinforce boundaries’. I do look at this as a great learning opportunity and yes you are right, I have nothing to feel bad about. Thank you so much for saying that my light is brighter than you think, I suspect it is but at times like these it’s hard to believe. I do feel a lot better today and I am moving on.

      Liked by 1 person

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