I hate your guts but you will not steal my magic!

rumi strength

After posting yesterday about my ex-husband’s continued antics and tantrums, I received your messages of support and have been reminded of who I am. The woman who stood up to an abusive man and divorced him, the woman who confronted her abusive parents and cut them out of her life for their refusal to acknowledge the truth. The woman who followed her heart and came to London.

I can deal with and stand up to a fucking bully, a sad little man who uses his own child to garner sympathy for his sorry ass. A man who plays victim and has no accountability. Yes I believed that he would be there for his son, yes I believed that he would co-parent with me but I don’t need him nor do I depend on him for anything.  For the past two years I have looked after my son and I can continue to do that while in London. I will manage and create a new support system. The less my son and I se of him the better for us. At least my son will see his dad at the weekend even if its once a week. I don’t trust anything that comes out of his mouth and I know that I will get no support from him, nothing but manipulation and crazy making and tantrums but I can deal with that. It’s hard to stand up to the playground bully, when you don’t play nice, the bully doesn’t like it and tries to make your life more difficult but I refuse to be compliant anymore.

I am out of my comfort zone, after five years of financial comfort and support from friends and my counsellor but I will make new friends and I will find a new place of support and comfort. I will not let the bully take away my joy. My father did not take away that essence and light and the bully will fail too….miserably.

Running away will not make the Bully go away. The only thing that will create lasting change is me standing up to him and showing my courage and strength by not allowing him to take away my magic and glow because that is what he wants to do. He has none so he has to take mine. Fuck off Bully!!! You are not getting any from me.



5 thoughts on “I hate your guts but you will not steal my magic!

  1. And it is extra hard right now as he is the only person you know there.

    It may be a good thing he lives an hour and a half away. Since that he is how he arranged it, he can also manage the traveling, not you.

    Anything out of his mouth is a lie, and a manipulation. So the whining about money is too. It is up to him to be responsible for his son as he made a baby too and he should share support. You may want to investigate a court ordered payment where it’s taken right out of his work check and sent to you. That does makes you strong, not weak. And it makes him accountable as he should be. I hope that is something you will consider as it is not all your burden. He is getting out of it quite easily, freely, and unfairly.

    You needn’t show kindness to a skunk who only spits poison at you. Instead, protect yourself and your son. He looks soft and sometimes cute but is repugnant. You have this beautiful quality and capacity to believe in others. Some, like him, are not worthy.

    It would be nice to rest and be able to lay down our swords sometimes, but often we have to keep fighting. Rest will come. You go warrior woman!

    Liked by 1 person

    • yes he is repugnant. I had another sake dream this time someone , a man I didn’t know was waving a thin black snake in my face to scare me. I woke up screaming. He is that snake I have to face. My counsellor once asked why it is I was kind to someone who had hurt me so much? I think its because the little girl in me is easily fooled my smiles and nice words believing that means the person is good and has good intentions. You would think a woman of 40 would know the difference? I apparently do not.Thank you my dear friend I will keep going. More battles for me it seems

      Liked by 1 person

      • Sometimes I wonder if we continue after something not working in the hopes we can make it right. And it may take a lot of head banging to see that wall is still a wall and will always be a wall. And that there are better, easier ways… or people to deal with.
        But you are stuck in this co-parenting role with a wall and I understand your love for you son which makes you keep trying.

        Liked by 1 person

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