‘Mummy walked out on you’

How does one even begin to deal with an ex-husband who uses his child to garner sympathy for himself? Who will stop at nothing to be divisive and try to slowly and secretly corrode the relationship you have with your child.

My son has come back from two sleepovers by his dad with things that his father has said to poison his mind. He doesn’t say them immediately, but because of the close relationship we have, they do come out eventually.

Mummy, dad said that you walked out on the family and me. Mummy, daddy was crying and saying that he wants to spend more time with me. I told my son about how his father was physically abusive and how his father is still angry and wants to be with mummy and that’s why he says these things. It wasn’t an ideal conversation to have with a 7-year old child, yet I had to address the distorted version he is receiving from his dad. I can only pray that I did it in the most child-friendly way!

Firstly, I moved back to London so that my ex (the moron) could be closer to his son. He can see him any day he wishes but has never initiated any visit with my son other than on a Friday or Saturday. My son rarely sleeps over at his place. He is always busy with work and his studies. I have never denied him access to his son.

Secondly, I divorced him because he was abusive both emotionally and physically. The fact that he is playing victim to his son and warping reality sickens me. I can’t even look at him I am so disgusted.

I recently allowed him to stay at my place for five nights while his new accommodation was being prepared. And this is the thanks I get! He was storing a lot of his stuff at my place and I told him to come and get his shit out of my place!

He is a venemous snake in the grass!

As if I don’t have enough to deal with! Looking for a job and counselling! It would be nice to get a lucky break somewhere. For something to flow smoothly instead of constant challenges. But I guess that is life. Tough challenge after challenge. Raw and gritty. When I am in danger of falling into that place of self-pity, I remind myself of how we all suffer in different and similar ways.

How we all stumble and fall over and over and how ‘ideal’ doesn’t exist for anyone! Nobody has had an ideal childhood, or ideal marriages or lives. We are all just struggling, fighting against the odds.

If there is anything I have learned, it is that I am no quitter and I will fight to the last breath! And despite my struggles, I have a beautiful son who is growing fast and I catch glimpses of his burgeoning character and I like what I see. He won a certificate at school for ‘talking with respect and confidence’ and he shows more emotional intelligence than his father.

Also, I am in the city I want to be in, and I am overwhelmed by its beauty and diversity over and over!

It’s going to be ok and even if its not, I will deal with not ok too.