This week has taught me so much.
Firstly, I can’t control everything and secondly that no matter what plans I may have, life has its own plans.
Sometimes the only thing to do is relax into the discomfort and stop fighting and resisting. I had my whole week planned out. I was to start a trial week at another school with a view to getting a permanent position. I had an interview for another job that was supposed to happen yesterday. I had paid for the after school club for my son.
Instead I am in bed with the flu. My whole body aches and I have a pounding headache. My son is at home too. Both of us have been home for two days.
I worked at the new school for two days and then my son got really ill and then I caught the virus and didn’t get to go for my interview because I felt like I had been run over by a truck. I had to slow down because my body screamed STOP and I couldn’t push myself anymore.
I relaxed into the discomfort of the illness and the discomfort of having all my perfect plans foiled. Whatever didn’t happen for me was not meant for me! This is the way it is. I had to stay home with my son and inevitably I got ill too. I accept things as they are. I am resting and this will pass and it will be ok.
I can’t control everything and there will be other opportunities. I think so much of my suffering comes from not accepting things as they are and wanting them to be different. Its quite liberating to just accept things and believe that good will come because I am good. That the universe will bring me what I need and that I don’t need to fight against it and push and push myself to get it all. Whatever is mine will come to me without such great effort. Yeah life sucks and you have to just suck it all up sometimes. It’s not my fault and and I haven’t let anyone down, it’s just what it is.