Feeding the Hunger

moana

After my therapy session yesterday, I took my son to see ‘Moana’ at the cinema. It was visually beautiful and emotionally moving in a very empowering way. It’s based on a Polynesian folktale about a baby girl who is chosen to save her island from darkness and blight.  She is the daughter of the chief and is much loved by her parents, she also stand out from the rest as she is fearless. As she grows, her grandmother encourages her to listen to that inner voice which calls her to the ocean and she undertakes a dangerous odyssey across the reef to fight all forms of darkness to restore the heart to a female goddess. Along the way, she questions her ability to succeed in the face of such challenges and even considers giving up.

I loved it! I cried because it resonated so deeply with me. On this journey of mine, I have questioned so many times if I can go on. I have considered going back to the dark comfort of my abusive ex but I have kept going for counselling to face all the ‘hard stuff’ just like all the other beautiful courageous women who I have have had the privilege and honour to meet on this site. Women who have held my hand from afar and urged me on. Thank you to you all, you know who you are 🙂

Anyway, with Moana and my therapy session in mind, I slept and dreamt deeply last night. I dreamt that there was a kitten that followed me around the house. The kitten wanted to be loved and  when I recognised that, I picked it up and put it gently in my arms. The beautiful kitten transformed into a beautiful baby girl and I held her closely to my chest and sang to her.

In my dream, my mother and cousin were in the kitchen cooking and my mother was upset with me because instead of helping her, I was tending to the baby. My mother never said anything to me, but I knew because she didn’t look me in the face.  That has always been her way of communicating disapproval with me.

Despite her disapproval, I continued to hold and sing to the baby on my arms.

That baby is me, hungry for love. I am feeding her hunger. I am the only one who can!

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