Your truth is not enough for the family court!


Merry Christmas to you all. My Christmas present came in the form of a message from my uncle. Over a month ago, I wrote an email to him as he had asked why I was not in contact with my parents. I sent him a long and honest email telling him that I was sexually abused by my father.

Well he replied finally saying it had taken him a long time to digest the information and that before he confronted my parents he wanted to go through everything step by step with me i.e. everything I had discussed with the psychologist.

When I read it I thought well just FUCK OFF already! Is my truth not palatable, not systematic enough for you. Now you want me to discuss all the details of my counselling?

I replied saying that it was too much to ask and that it had already been so difficult for me to write the first email and that I had given a very honest and coherent explanation.

Well this was his response…in his own words. I have put it in bold and italics for your reading pleasure

“I respect your decision but can’t discuss it with your folks as there are certain points that your email does not cover and needs clarification as you are the accuser. I would like to put a couple of points forward:

You were 5 or 6 at the time and the details are not clear to you as you say or suppressed, are you 100% sure it was your father and no one else? Did you come to the conclusion before or after your consultation with the psychologist.

Your present problems are a consequence of what happened to you….or your present situation is a solution for your past. Psychologists prefer the former etc

Please note I am not doubting you its my thought process. You are not obliged to reply as I see from your email and your message its a take it or leave it approach.

Well there you have it reader! My truth is not enough for him to do anything about because it happened so long ago and the details are hazy. It so much easier for the family to turn on the victim. Don’t you love it the way I am now ‘the accuser’. They don’t see the hurt and pain of the 5year old girl only how much the truth will inconvenience the status quo. If there was anyone I would have thought would have my back it was this uncle. But the reality is that it is only me Ā (always was) who is here for myself and has my back. I am deeply saddened and hurt, it’s triggered a lot of the original pain.

It seems that victims of sexual abuse are failed over and over again by their families. Fuck off to them all from me today. Merry Christmas.





28 thoughts on “Your truth is not enough for the family court!

  1. He responded with coldness, heartlessness, and great cruelty.
    He reacts to your courage to seek help and healing as if the psychologist is up to something. He does this to deflect the facts…his family committed vile acts that deeply wounded his niece.

    My father did these things to me. By turning away from me you are just as guilty and complicit.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m getting somewhat similar reactions from family. It’s so painful. It feels like rejection and my old feelings of worthlessness quickly bubble to the surface. The only way I can keep it from ruining me is to work really hard at reminding myself that my family has not done the work that I have this year. None of them have gone to therapy. None of them have been journaling. None of them have been meditating. I can’t expect them to be at the same spot that I am, when I was just where they were, prior to putting the work in. If I’ve learned anything this year it’s that not everybody has the same coping skills. And I’ve also learned that if I expect people to act like I expect them to, I am always going to be disappointed.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. I am so sad for you that he turned out to be so heartless and cold. You are a truth teller and evidently he would rather take the easy path of denial. He is a weak weak man. You are worth standing up for. You are worth loving. You are worth taking the difficult step of getting out of denial. Evidently he is not worthy of you.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. I wish I could type what I really feel but I’m afraid it would be too harsh. I have words for him though. Words that are not very nice. Fury would describe how I felt after reading what he said. I am just so so so sorry he replied this way. You deserve so much better. He is nolonger worth the breath that comes out of your mouth or the movement of your fingers as they would type a word. He is less than dirt.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. When I remembered my abuse and told my mother she was no longer welcome in my life, she proceeded to write the most scathing letter about me. She copied other family members — vilifying me and protecting the abuser as she always had. It was a disgusting, hurtful letter but it revealed in black and white just how low she was willing to go to defend herself and protect the pedophile as she created lies and clawed for flaws in my character. I was shocked and horrified and I felt broken by it when it happened. Now, a few years later, I look at it as an opportunity to choose myself over her lies. It was another wake up call for me to empower myself, to not be broken by the hurtful horrible lies she wrote about me. It’s so painful and devastating because we keep looking for them to apologize and protect us. I still grieve because my mother chose to be complicit in my abuse instead of protecting me. You don’t have to answer to anyone but yourself and your own heart. You know the truth and no one gets to measure it or weigh it or validate it for you. You know it in your bones. That’s all you need. No one else creates the truth or reality. I’m holding you in the light and asking you to not be broken by your uncle’s actions and thinking. You still get to choose to stay in the light. To take good care of yourself and to be kind and gentle and loving towards yourself. You deserve that. That is your birthright and it is your primary job to take good care of yourself no matter what others do to derail you. We are with you. Holding you and supporting you. Keep choosing you. Sending love and strength your way. I believe you and I’m with you.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. It’s insane, isn’t it, that people prefer lies over truth. I believe you, and you are not alone. I had a similar reaction from my former best friend just this past summer. My abuser admitted what he did, but my friend still doesn’t want to believe he’s a “real predator.” How incredibly hurtful. These kinds of people are just weak. But, thankfully, people like you are strong enough to face truth and speak out. Keep on speaking. We bear torches of truth, and we will shine light in the dark corners for those out there who can’t yet speak. Wish you continued strength. Here’s my experience (

    Liked by 1 person

  7. What is it about the family and friends of abusers? Having been in a similar position I empathise with you. My uncle even had the audacity to tell me that he had spoken to my father who said I was ‘stubborn’, and ‘jealous’ of his new partner and that is why I was spreading these lies about molestation. Interestingly he was happy to discuss my so-called stubborn behaviour as a 4/5 year old, but didn’t feel able to discuss the 39 year-old abuser’s behaviour and the fact that I had been molested: obviously being stubborn and jealous are far greater crimes than sexual abuse. Dur!

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s crazy!!! I know exactly what you saying. Funny because when I was younger, around the time of abuse, my parents especially my father the abuser used to tell everyone how stubborn I was. I guess he had to to keep me down and him looking and feeling good.
      I am sorry that yu have suffered similarly šŸ˜¦

      Liked by 1 person

      • If it’s nothing else, it’s crazy, THS. The thing is, abusers never expect to be caught/found out. So they are left in a very tight spot once the person who has been abused is able and brave enough to speak about it. Abusers never having moved from the place where they started: in a position of power are now no longer able to cover up their dirty deeds and therefore are at a loss to defend their behaviour – the only way they can do this is to discredit the abused person. So they scrape around in the barrel and the best they can com up with is ‘stubborn’ – and so because you are ‘stubborn’ then you deserve to be sexually abused. Of course!!! It’s all so plain now! (Heavy sarcasm!!!!)
        And as for their F***ING relatives who come out of the woodwork wanting to know why everything isn’t all ‘happy families’ – it’s as if they are all made from the same mould – they haven’t got half a brain between them and they ask the most f-ing stupid questions and don’t see what’s staring them in the face – that their brother is a paedophile!!!
        I realise I have used this to have a rant, THS but your story just painfully reminded me of conversations that I’ve had with my uncle recently. I am so sorry that you had that conversation with him – instead of loving and supporting you, it must have seemed that the abuse was happening all over again.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Rant away :))) I think it’s good to express this. My uncle is such a hypocrite and his wife my aunt has been so ‘quiet’ since I dropped the bombshell. They weren’t prepared for such brutal honesty. It did hurt and shock me at first but i know they are two more toxic people can remove from my life good riddance !!!
        Yes you are right, and you make an important point, the abusers need a justification for their sickness. So yes I was stubborn, uncontrollable, fussy eater … I needed to be abused ( even heavier sarcasm )
        Thank you for getting it :)))

        Liked by 1 person

      • OMG!!!! I was a ‘fussy eater’ too!!!! Had an eating disorder by age 3 (won’t enlarge on this – you’ve heard enough of my woes today):), and my father when I came to this country sought to beat it out of me – hence the ‘stubborn’ label. And his words to my uncle: “How do you think that make me feel?” – It’s all about them, isn’t it – not a poor defenceless infant!
        Yeah, good riddance to bad rubbish and may they rot wherever they end up!
        And yes – I so get it! :))))

        Liked by 1 person

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