In my session today, my counsellor made me aware of situations where things on the outside could be going directly to the little girl within. Times when the words I hear could be felt from a place of lack and hunger for acceptance and love. The adult me knows rationally and cognitively how I think about these things but there’s a separate place of vulnerability that feels and hears and sees things in a different way.
I appreciated the discovery of this as it makes understanding my behaviour in close relationships a little easier. Suffering from complex trauma compounds things, most of all relationships with those closest to us. My head can’t even get around many things, yet the fact that there are two sides to me. The fact that there may be two reactions to things, eases things for me. Helps me to understand the confusion and conflict within.
I am me, the adult who is a mother and teacher and friend, but I am also me, the little girl who is healing from abuse that was calculated, manipulative and destructive in countless uncountable ways.
I keep forging ahead, living, learning, processing and feeling my way through the darkest darkness at times.
So who are you talking to here? Is it me… the adult me or the little me.