Owning our stuff.

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After awareness comes acknowledgement. After acknowledgement, acceptance. Then a complete and whole embrace of oneself. All the parts. Until we befriend even the inner critics transforming them into fierce inner protectors. Then deep and unconditional self-love blossoms. Then intimate self-knowledge followed by owning our feelings and triggers and not project them onto others. And maybe one day, complete forgiveness. Yes forgiveness… there’s a word I thought I would never write about let alone invite into the rooms of my mind.

It’s not a linear path and you may return over and over to particular stages of your journey. But progress is made even in circular motions.

I am learning to own my stuff as it were. All the baggage I carry with me. The feelings that come unbidden. The sudden anger, hatred and pain that’s triggered by certain people in certain situations on certain days. Nobody can take care of my stuff. Not even my counsellor could. I take care of the feelings I feel and let people around me take care of theirs.

I let go of the need to control everything and allow space for the unknown, the mystery that is life. I allow myself to be weak and I allow myself to fall and fall again, to change my mind and make the detours that I need to. To be vulnerable and show my weaknesses.

To loosen the grip on the rope that has left welts and sores on my weary hands. To shut my eyes and fall and trust that I will be ok. That I will fall and land in a safe place. That not everyone in this world has bad intentions. That the eyes that look upon me can be really kind and concerned.

To entertain the idea that I am loved and worthy to savour the delicious flavours of compliments and to believe that no matter what changes around me, I will always have ME 🙂

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