Lately I find myself consciously and deliberately reminding myself who I am and I thought this post might be useful for others too. Useful when we might feel less than ourselves. Moments when we forget . Forget our true essence and how very far we have come. This journey called life is filled with bumps and detours and the only constant is us and the relationship we forge with ourselves.
I am working full time, mothering and studying part time as well as being in a relationship and will be looking for a new flat soon. Each one of those is a challenge on its own. Mix them together and they are the perfect ingredients for a lot of fear and anxiety especially since I am still healing from so much hurt.
So I need a reminder, almost daily of who I am. Of how I can deal with all of this as I have always dealt with far greater challenges starting from the greatest one; when I was 5 and every survival mechanism I had kicked in to save me from being obliterated by the sexual abuse I suffered from my father and the complicit silence of my mother.
Every other challenge then pales in comparison because I have so many more resources to cope now. The most important ones being self-love and self-awareness. Yes there will be tough tough days when I feel like I am going insane because my strong willed son drives me mad and I have assignment deadlines to meet and the flat is a mess. But there will also be days like today when I feel like ‘I’ve got this” despite the fear and anxiety. Days when a bigger, stronger. wiser me stands firm and gently says,
“We can do this”.
Those inner qualities of strength and bravery and wisdom are there and have always been. They just take a bit of conscious noticing to change focus. The anxiety and fear feel so big at times and take over with thoughts spiralling out of control. So bring that focus back each time, gently and firmly.
Remember who you are!